If
there was an All-Star football team for cartoon characters, here's the
line-up
BY ED WRIGHT
The other
day while watching cartoons with my 8-year-old son, I started to think
about my upcoming Fantasy Football League draft. (I know, I should be thinking about
health-care reform, the housing crisis, etc., but I figure I'll have
plenty of time to do that once I grow up.)Well, the two things -- cartoons and Fantasy Football -- must have fused in my brain because I started thinking to myself, "If I had to put together a Pro Bowl football team made up of animated characters, who would I put at each position?" (Hey, it beats sudoku.)
After a lot of thought (at least 10 minutes), I came up with the following team. If you can think of any characters that could beat out any of my studs, please e-mail me (info@plymouthcantonsports.com) and I'll add it to a future column.
OFFENSE
QUARTERBACK - My first instinct was to plug Superman in this spot. I
mean, the guy has X-ray vision so he should be able to read defenses
pretty good, right? On the downside, he's so strong, he may deflate the
ball. I'm going with a guy who'd be so smooth in the pocket that he'd
make Tom Brady look like Daffy Duck: BATMAN.RUNNING BACKS - I'm going with SPEEDY GONZALEZ and JERRY from Tom and Jerry fame. I know what you're thinking: too small, too injury prone. Legitimate concerns, but when you get right down to it, have you ever seen either one of these guys get caught in the open field. And Speedy reportedly ran a 1.2 40 the other day (although it was wind-aided).
TACKLES - At left tackle, protecting Batman's blindside, is FRED FLINTSTONE. He has the perfect build for the position and when he gets mad (Example: WIL-MA!), watch out! At the other tackle I'm going to go with FOGHORN LEGHORN. He's a little goofy, but you can't beat his athleticism. He'd be a good influence in the locker room, too.
GUARDS - I like my guards small, quick and full of attitude so they can level guys on the traps and sweeps. Let's go with ELMER FUDD and GRUMPY from Snow White.
CENTER - PETER GRIFFIN, the dad from 'Family Guy.' Big, strong, seems like he'd remember the snap count.
TIGHT END - I'm not exactly sure why, but I think SCOOBY DOO is a perfect fit here. He has decent wheels for a dog of his size and for a couple of Scooby Snacks, the guy will run through a wall for you.
WIDE RECEIVERS - These were no-brainers in my book: SPIDERMAN, who may not run a 4.4 40, but he'd go get the ball in traffic; and SUPERMAN, who with a little work on his route-running, could be the next Calvin Johnson.
DEFENSE
DEFENSIVE
LINE - I'm running a 4-3, so let's go with CAPTAIN AMERICA
and TONY
TIGER at the ends and FAT ALBERT
and HOMER
SIMPSON at the tackles. Fat
Albert reminds me of a cross between William "The Refrigerator" Perry
and Shaun Rogers, while Simpson has that fearless craziness that I like
in defensive linemen.OUTSIDE LINEBACKERS - I'd let ED, EDD and EDDIE rotate at one outside linebacker spot with BAM-BAM (only if he's allowed to play with his club) penciled in on the other side. The 3-E's would be kamikaze's on the blitz packages while Double-B reminds me of a young Chris Speilman.
MIDDLE LINEBACKER - THE THING from the "Fantastic Four." I was considering him for tight end, but he has hands of stone.
CORNERBACKS - At left corner I have SPONGE BOB because of his quickness and intelligence (He's able to soak in a lot of stuff in a short time) ; at the other corner, let's go with GUMBY, whose flexibility would allow him to stay with even the craftiest receivers.
SAFETIES - At strong safety I'd go with POPEYE, although I'd first have to check with the league office and make sure that spinach isn't some form of Human Growth Hormone. At free safety, MIGHTY MOUSE would be ideal given his strength and ability to fly all over the field.
My kick returner would be the ROADRUNNER, although the word on the street is that all that running is taking a toll on his knees.
Among those who just missed the cut were BARNEY RUBBLE (he'd rather bowl), BART SIMPSON (grades) CAP N' CRUNCH (great name, no game) and WILE E. COYOTE, who has great pursuit skills, but can't finish.
That's all folks!
Ed Wright can be reached at info@plymouthcantonsports.com or (734) 578-2767
